I was just thinking ……… What should it tell me when other people believe in me more than I believe in myself?
This one thought got me thinking further ………. What other gaps of this nature might I benefit from contemplating?
5 Gaps in everyday life
So, here’s the result of my reflection – 5 gaps in everyday life, where the people around me might be more positive, hopeful, generous in their view of me than my own personal thinking might be:
- As above – people around me are more confident in my ability to do something that I am.
- I don’t see a way out of a situation where, if I spoke to other people, there will be many ways.
- I believe my services are worth less than what others are prepared to pay.
- I don’t understand why I repeat certain negative behaviours while those close to me, both past and present, would be able to explain the reasons in an instant.
- I take things personally that were never intended to be taken so.
So now what?
All very well contemplating issues like these and then publishing a blog – what if you relate to these points and are now thinking ‘ok Louis, so now what?’ Those of you that don’t relate, but want to read about the result, might be thinking ‘ok Louis, so what did you do to close the gaps?’
Each point is so different while at the same time there are some common threads: self-confidence, repeating something which has not worked for me and an opportunity to grow.
I think I’ve sorted number one – I’ll ask for their support both informally and formally. In one case in particular, where this point is presenting itself, I will drive a formal mentoring process.
Luckily this one does not happen often because I am committed to asking for support. I imagine that what might be more of a concern for me is not having a conversation at all … as I’m not questioning a particular situation. Yes, the dreaded acceptance of things as they are trap. In this case what I’m committing to is taking something comfortable and familiar to a friend and asking them to challenge me on it.
Early on in Ripple I presented a proposal, which I thought was really fair, only to have the client tell me that she could not present the quote to her panel as it would be rejected on price due to it being radically less than the other two. The quote was tripled, it remained the lowest and I got the call a little later to say we had the work. They knew us and trusted us but this brief required more from us than what we had delivered before. Imagine if that had become my new standard!
This is not the only time this has happened. Here I need to commit more fully to a pricing panel strategy and to extend this panel to a person less emotionally connected to the “product” than what Caroline and I are.
The fourth point is a little like “there are none so blind as those who will not see.” We are so often blind to our own internal self-destruct buttons. I am lucky to have friends that I have known for a long time … not to exclude family here but I feel friends would be better … and as we get older, we hopefully appreciate honesty more and can be more honest at the same time. There is that thing about inhibitions, so thinking about my mate Martin, we might just need to enjoy one of his fine whiskies before we delve.
The last one is not just about conversations, it also includes events. I know the basics to handle these situations, but I want to become better at it. I also need to answer important questions like if I don’t respond does it mean I don’t care? So, my answers to point 1, 2, 3, and 4 above will all help with this point too. A deepening of a previous commitment to continue to stay engaged without the personal angst. When personal angst sets in it changes the way I respond … I know this. It works to stay engaged and centered. The commitment must be deepened.
So, looking back, there were the common threads in the gaps identified at the beginning of the blog.
Considering how I believe I need to move forward there is one common thread … speak to people from a centered emotional place so that I will hear and be heard.
This Saturday morning, Caroline and I are going to participate in a walk entitled “Darkness into Light“.
It is an initiative to remind us that people do go into dark places. It is a reminder to us all that if we ever find ourselves in a dark place, there are people we can reach out to like Lifeline. It is a reminder to those of us that are not in a dark place, to look out for those signs that might tell us that someone we know is in a dark place and that we need to reach out and not just ignore the signs.
By Louis Gerke
Development Facilitator – The Ripple Effect
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